Yesterday night, I messed up with my biological clock and made myself unable to fall asleep for almost the whole night. During these hours, I recalled a lot of memories from the past, especially those memories that had happened in 2002 - third and final year in USM, Penang.
The memories involved two persons that's important to me, in a way.
2) I failed to appreciate her
She was someone I get to know on my second year in USM. In a way, it was related to my best friend (in part 1). If no because of him, I wouldn't have had the chance to know her. She was regarded by others as fierce and it was advisable not to step on her - no matter what. Well, I believe they exaggerated the situation. To me, she is someone adorable, independent, capable and yet cute. We met for the first time when we were having supper together with a group of friends including my best friend.
Thinking back about it now, there's a lot of great (and sweet, maybe) memories with her. While I cannot remember or recall all, yesterday night, but a handful of those makes me feel that I was making another mistake for the year as I failed to appreciate her.
Ever since we knew each other, we spent most of the time together (of course with other friends as well). I remembered of a trip to Perak, she volunteered her car for us to drive down to Perak and during that trip, nothing much that I could recall except for one place - Kellie's Castle.
Indirectly, that place was the first place that I hold her hand - well indirectly. We went to the roof of the castle, and tried to look down from that roof. It was not barred and therefore very scary to look down from the edge. In the beginning others in the party, some female friends wanted to take a look from the edge but afraid of falling to death. Therefore, I volunteered my hand to them so that they could hold onto something while starring down from the roof. Later, she also wanted to have a look and she held my hand just like what others did - the first time holding her hand, albeit indirectly.
She was also my partner on an annual dinner of an association. We, among with other friends, were invited to attend an annual dinner organized by an association, of which I can't remember the name of the association. In order to prepare for that, we, in a group went to buy clothes to wear on that night. There, she helped me to choose the clothes, and also tie - if my memory served me well. On that night, well, the idea of having a partner didn't come across our mind and it was decided on the spot itself. She became my partner for that dinner. If I still remembered clearly, both of us did have a dance too. Thinking back, it was a great night for both of us.
We had some childish acts together. One that I could recall was the time when she chased me from her room out to the living room. I wasn't very sure how this started, but I guess it's a time when everyone of us are getting ready to go out for dinner together. We are still waiting for her before we make the move. However, she was still inside the room having a nap at that time, and everyone was afraid to go and wake her up. I volunteered. I went to her and try to wake her up and when she woke up, she get down from the bed and the chasing started. Everyone was expecting that I get a hit or two from her, but when we reached the living room, nothing happened, it just stopped there.
I really don't quite remember the reason for the chase, and for sure, there wasn't any indecent things that I have done to her while trying to wake her up. Funny and puzzling enough to me - hahaha.
We had a few moments of doing things together - alone, if I remembered correctly. I don't know, it might be minor, but it came strongly to me. We went to listen to a presentation by a friend of us and at that time, it was only the two of us, I believed. While it might not be anything special, it could be just normal to the eyes of others, but when I recalled back, it gave me a very strong feeling, peaceful and at the same time, the happiness because of a companion. I wasn't sure if the feeling is for real or not.
She hinted something to me? One day, while taking the lift down, as usual, we were chatting, but I couldn't remember what we were chatting about. Right before we came out from the lift, she said something but I cannot remember what it was. It could be something like "yalor, I treat you so good but you don't realize", something like that. At that time and moment itself, I believe it was a hint from her. However, I did not react when she said that...
In the process, I failed to appreciate everything that has happened around the two of us. I should have went after her instead of her room mate. Yes, I believe I hurt her feeling, I should have sent the flowers to her and not to her room mate. I should have gave her the present that I bought for her to match her dressing on that annual dinner night mentioned above but I kept it to myself. I should have follow my instinct from that night onwards and pursue her instead. I believe at that moment, I did have some feeling with her, just that I dare not admit it. Even my best friend could see that, but I couldn't see that coming.
She's a good girl, and I missed the opportunity to start a relationship with her. Well, I regretted that now. But that aside, as she has got a good marriage with her now, what I should and can do is to wish her all the happiness from her current marriage. True from my heart.
Lee Hom - Heartbeat
Monday, October 12, 2009
2002 - The worst year in my life... Part 1
Yesterday night, I messed up with my biological clock and made myself unable to fall asleep for almost the whole night. During these hours, I recalled a lot of memories from the past, especially those memories that had happened in 2002 - third and final year in USM, Penang.
The memories involved two persons that's important to me, in a way.
1) My Best Friend
I get to know him for less than two years but we did a lot of things together ever since I get to know him in my second year in USM. We were in the same course and get to know each other when we formed a group for a course project. From then onwards, we were in the same group for most of the course projects. Our friendship built up fast that soon, we became best friend. It was also from this friendship that I get to know another person that I will talk about on the next paragraph.
At one point, somewhere between end of second and third year, something happened that changed our friendship. I would say a "mole" (person) has dropped into our friendship and intervened or changed everything. I was also to blame to simply let this "mole" manipulated me. Come to think of it, what the "mole" said was actually not really anything to be worried about as it was really not a big deal. However, I will skip this details.
The relationship turned sour when we started our final year project together - the mole, him, and me. Because of something that the "mole" warned me, it has put me on guard of him (my best friend) when dealing with the project. However, come to think of it, it really isn't anything that one should reacted like how I have reacted.
That aside, things became worse on the day of our final year project demonstration. The night before the demonstration, I made a modification for our project, and I passed the code to reflect the changes made to him in order for his module to suit the modified parts. When I passed the code to him, I did remember that I asked him to try and check this out to make sure that it's working fine. Since I still have a test to take on the next morning (the day of our demonstration), I did not follow up on that matter after passing the code to him and continue with my revision for the test.
The next day, I went for the test and came back to get ready for the demonstration. When I met with him, I was surprised, he openly yelled at me saying that the code that I passed to him didn't work. I understand the yelling as the frustration is there since we are in the final hour before the demonstration. However, I wasn't the one to be blamed, I did ask him to try out the code to make sure everything is working fine, and that was yesterday night. He has the whole night to try that out.
What happened then was he switched back to the old code and his part of the module was working fine. However, from then onwards, our friendship was completely broken into pieces. We never talk after that morning. It was indeed a saddest thing to me.
With that, it registered in my history as something important that I have lost in my life! If I can have another chance to mend the relationship, I will do whatever I could. Even my family members wished that we could mend our relationship but... sigh
The memories involved two persons that's important to me, in a way.
1) My Best Friend
I get to know him for less than two years but we did a lot of things together ever since I get to know him in my second year in USM. We were in the same course and get to know each other when we formed a group for a course project. From then onwards, we were in the same group for most of the course projects. Our friendship built up fast that soon, we became best friend. It was also from this friendship that I get to know another person that I will talk about on the next paragraph.
At one point, somewhere between end of second and third year, something happened that changed our friendship. I would say a "mole" (person) has dropped into our friendship and intervened or changed everything. I was also to blame to simply let this "mole" manipulated me. Come to think of it, what the "mole" said was actually not really anything to be worried about as it was really not a big deal. However, I will skip this details.
The relationship turned sour when we started our final year project together - the mole, him, and me. Because of something that the "mole" warned me, it has put me on guard of him (my best friend) when dealing with the project. However, come to think of it, it really isn't anything that one should reacted like how I have reacted.
That aside, things became worse on the day of our final year project demonstration. The night before the demonstration, I made a modification for our project, and I passed the code to reflect the changes made to him in order for his module to suit the modified parts. When I passed the code to him, I did remember that I asked him to try and check this out to make sure that it's working fine. Since I still have a test to take on the next morning (the day of our demonstration), I did not follow up on that matter after passing the code to him and continue with my revision for the test.
The next day, I went for the test and came back to get ready for the demonstration. When I met with him, I was surprised, he openly yelled at me saying that the code that I passed to him didn't work. I understand the yelling as the frustration is there since we are in the final hour before the demonstration. However, I wasn't the one to be blamed, I did ask him to try out the code to make sure everything is working fine, and that was yesterday night. He has the whole night to try that out.
What happened then was he switched back to the old code and his part of the module was working fine. However, from then onwards, our friendship was completely broken into pieces. We never talk after that morning. It was indeed a saddest thing to me.
With that, it registered in my history as something important that I have lost in my life! If I can have another chance to mend the relationship, I will do whatever I could. Even my family members wished that we could mend our relationship but... sigh
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